


League Induction: Welcome to the Moon 13 Underground!

by smitshappens



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Boneheadcanons, Clones, Gen, TW: Blood, Tag Team, Wrestling, bonehead subculture, crack fic to some degree, everything is legal on the moon, fight, rasslin, weird alternaversal science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 18:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12538280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smitshappens/pseuds/smitshappens
Summary: Life on the Moon can get boring, so the Boneheads keep coming up with ways to entertain themselves in their off-hours.





	1. Invitation and Preparation

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Ray](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12114765) by [smitshappens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smitshappens/pseuds/smitshappens). 



> This plays on the outskirts of the ridiculous canon I set forth with "Ray". I needed a break, Speccy came up with a great collection idea, and so I threw the twins into something I totally would not normally write...RASSLIN'.

Part One - Invitation

Midweek seemed to be much quieter on the Moon base. Jonah occasionally would take a couple of his research notebooks down to the Mesozoic Grill, where he'd meet Ray for lunch, and they would work on Invention Exchanges together. Admittedly, there were times when having a twin still felt strange, but as the days progressed, it became the new normal for both of them.

It was during one of those midweek brainstorming sessions that the new normal was momentarily interrupted by another of their Bonehead friends with an odd suggestion.

“Wait... Wrestling?” Jonah's heavy eyebrows knit together in dismay. “The heck's that got to do with us?”

Terry adjusted his helmet and leaned in closer, pushing their lunch trays aside. “Look, it's kind of an underground thing we've got going on. It gets a little boring here sometimes and we need something to liven it up, so...we kinda made up our own wrestling league.” His eyes lit up and he gestured widely. “You already know about the Galactic Wrestling Federation, right?”

Jonah gave a tentative nod, while Ray shook his head in enthusiastic agreement. “Rickey's shown me the big matches and they're pretty cool.” The twin put down his sandwich. “Wait, is that what you're going for?”

“Kinda?” Terry shrugged. “If we're able to get enough interest in it outside of the Moon, we might have a chance at getting a team into one of the pro stables. That'd be a first!”

Ray scoffed. “There's no Moon representation?”

“It has to be an actual planet,” Terry said with a sneer. He waved his hands in the air, making finger quotes. “It's before your time, Raygun, but you should have heard the arguments when they had to drop Pluto from the roster.”

Jonah leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “You mean it wasn't grandfathered in? That doesn't seem fair.”

“They're still petitioning to get back in,” Terry went on. “Word is they're close. And if Pluto can finally be recognized again, we think we have a good chance with the Moon.”

“Which brings me back to my first question – What does this have to do with us?” Jonah persisted.

“We like you guys. We've watched you interact with each other and several other members of the Skeleton Crew and we thought you might want to give it a try with the team.”

The twins looked at each other, awkward expressions perfectly mirrored.

Ray's eyes narrowed. “You just want us 'cause we're big.” He groused and took another bite of his sandwich.

Bonehead #1 waved his hands rather submissively in an attempt to diffuse the situation. “Now, now, that's not totally the reason why...”

Jonah's lip curled in a snarl. “We're big and people already know me because of the Netflix show I'm being held captive for.”

“Now, Jonah – “

“Oh, and what's better than one big popular lug?” Ray pointed at himself. “Why not two? Twins are always a trendy trope, right?”

At this point, Terry had propped his head into his hands, fingers tapping against the edge of his helmet. “Everybody likes you and you'd be a great draw and yeah, you're both a really good size for fighting. You'll look impressive on camera.”

“Jonah's already been on camera,” Ray snorted, rolling his eyes. “You know what you're getting into with that guy.”

“I'm sorry, who's the exact clone of whom here?” Jonah jutted his elbow straight into his twin's ribs. He couldn't help finding himself oddly intrigued. It was fascinating what the Boneheads found to do with their downtime. “Where are you even broadcasting this?”

Lifting his head, Terry regained some kind of composure. “Mostly it's for YouTube, but we've gotten a load of hits on our bouts so far. If we could get you guys involved, we might stand a chance of being taken seriously by the pros.”

“Hmm.” Jonah mulled over the idea, ridiculous as it was. He had been in a few schoolyard scraps in his youth and a couple of drunken college fist fights, but wrestling? As much as he was enjoying his time making invention plans, he had to admit that, frankly, he was getting a little bored. This was different. “What happens if we agree to this?”

Terry immediately straightened in his seat and grinned widely. “For now? You get the love and adoration of a couple hundred Boneheads, plus the chance to make it big with us if it ever breaks.”

The clone's gaze went from Jonah to Terry, then back to Jonah, then back to Terry... “Sunshine, you're not seriously thinking of – “

“Why not? What's the worst that could happen, Bones?”

Ray dropped his sandwich. “What's the worst that – You've already invoked it, Jonah!” He yanked off his own helmet with the express purpose of putting his head directly on the table. It landed with a clunk, rattling the lunch trays.

Terry gave him a tap on the top of the skull and curled his hand upward until Ray was sitting up straight again. His eyes darted between the two. “You guys would be an awesome tag team. I hate to say that the twin thing would be a cool gimmick, but people do love a gimmick.”

“C'mon, Ray,” Jonah teased. “Look in that big purple heart of yours and tell me you haven't wanted to ham it up for a TV camera at least once in your life so far.”

Ray's cheeks flushed a pinkish-violet and his eyes met the floor. “I might be a little jealous.”

“Then you'll do it?” Terry brightened.

“Why not?” Jonah laughed. “Might be a fun change.”

There was silence from Ray as he kept staring toward his feet.

“Any chance of a general consensus between the Heston Twins?” Terry implored, voice almost pleading.

Ray nodded, his voice barely audible. “I'll give it a try.”

With that, Terry practically leapt from his chair, almost triumphantly. “This is great! I'll put you guys on the roster for the next bout!”

Jonah resumed picking at his lunch, trying to find something that was still appealing after getting cold. “When's that put us on the schedule?” He opted for a large swig of his soda instead.

“Saturday! You've got three days!”

Jonah immediately regretted having soda in his mouth, seeing how it came out in a spray across his tray, as well as his clone's.

“I was finished with that sandwich anyway,” Ray sighed.

\-----

Part Two - Preparation

The match was Saturday, giving the twins two days to prepare. It didn't help that Ray was still occupied with his work shift on Moon Level 12 and a fair number of Boneheads had flagged Jonah for help with various technical issues around the base. Preparation time was quickly whittled down to a couple of hours in those two evenings, the pair of them hunched over a laptop and taking notes on old WWF highlights from the 1980s.

“I've still got a few reservations about this.” Ray had a lengthy study on clothesline moves and half-nelsons, with notes on how to avoid things like pile drivers. “I've seen these fights and they look pretty intense.”

Jonah gave a snort. “I grew up with this kinda stuff back on Earth. It looked real, but it wasn't. It was all a big show and everyone loved it.” He glanced at his own notes and tossed down his pen. “We'll be fine.”

Ray flopped back in his chair and merely gaped at his brother, incredulous. “You've never seen any of the Galactic bouts, have you?” He angled the laptop toward himself and did a quick search for the GWF. “Here – Razorback versus Dead Rover. These guys made it to the championship level and they're still talking about how Rover leveled Razor with a table ringside.” He turned the computer back toward Jonah and pressed 'play' right at the crucial moment when a large red wrestler completely hammered his blue-skinned opponent with a folding table. Jonah cringed and bit at his knuckles.

“There's no way that was real.”

“Oh, it was real alright,” Ray argued. “These guys don't play around!”

“This isn't the big leagues, though,” Jonah countered. “This is just some Boneheads having a good time. Nobody's going to get hit with a table.”

Ray's eyes narrowed. “Provided nobody gets hold of a table.”

“Are you planning to throw a table, Raymond?”

“Are _you?_ ”

Jonah immediately picked up his pen again and scrawled into his notebook. “Keep...furniture... away...from...pandas.”

“You're a jerk, Sunshine.”

Jonah beamed. “Thank you!”

 


	2. Provocation!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the squared circle, here on Moon 13! IT'S FIGHT NIGHT!

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Moon 13 Underground Wrestling! I'm Terry, Bonehead #1, and joining me as usual is Bonehead #2, Rickey. Any thoughts on tonight's bout?”

“Well, Terry, with the lineup we have this time, I can guarantee you it won't be a dull match. Seems a pair of our usual players are up against an Earther and his clone! They're new to the game, so this could go one of two ways – They could bring us some unorthodox moves or they could scramble away like frightened schoolchildren. Either way, the chances of them winning against our current champions seem to be, quite frankly, slim and none.”

“Right, so I might have underestimated this thing entirely.” Jonah's voice cracked as he peered out at the crowd, which was quite sizable, if he was honest with himself. “There are a lot of people out there.”

“Terry _did_ say 'a couple hundred',” Ray pointed out. “Not counting the handful of humans, you've got over eight hundred Boneheads living here.”

“I thought he was bluffing!” The Gizmocrat took a seat on a bench near the door. As he sat down, he felt his stomach squish over the belt of his shorts slightly and he sucked in a breath, trying to make it cooperate. “Maybe we should have rethought the outfits.”

Ray straightened the purple cloth mask around his eyes and struck as heroic a pose as he could muster. “Psssh... Even if we die out there, we look fantastic.” He pointed at the Bonehead logo emblazoned on his matching purple tank top. “You've gotta admit Amanda and Reg did a great job with these.”

Jonah glanced down at his own bright blue tank, which sported the Gizmonics “Big G” gear. “I guess we do look pretty cool for a couple of nerds. He fidgeted with his wristbands a moment, then shot a worried look toward his twin. “Wait, did we ever find out who we were up against?”

“Just a couple of other Boneheads,” Ray shrugged.

“That doesn't narrow it down, Pandabro.”

The clone sat next to Jonah and bumped his shoulder with his own. “Look at it this way – It's a league made up of the Skeleton Crew. They're all honestly pretty normal-sized. We're the weird ones.”

“You know, before I spent all that time in space,” Jonah groused, propping his chin in his hand, “I was six-foot-three.”

Ray's eyes boggled and he leaned back far enough, he bounced his head against the wall. “Gravity really _does_ hold us down.”

“Lucky you, you got cloned after the late growth spurt.” Jonah gave him a sneer. “It's not so bad, though. I might write a paper on it if I get back home.”

“The space growth spurt or the cloning?”

There was a beat and Jonah nodded. “Both! We'll co-author. I figure you're my authority on the cloning experience.”

A small, wiry Bonehead appeared in the doorway. They gave the twins a once-over, then threw a thumb over their shoulder. “You're thirty seconds away from entrance. You guys ready?”

The two shared an awkward glance, as well as a resigned sigh.

Showtime.

 

“Entering the arena for the first time ever,” Terry bellowed over the P.A. system, “our challengers, The Heston Twins – Pandamonium and The Prime Directive!”

Jonah felt his face flush and he glared at his clone. “Did you turn in those names? Seriously, Ray?”

“I was having fun,” Ray defended. He waved at a couple of Boneheads he recognized in the front row.

“That is the NERDIEST thing you could have called me.”

The twin curled his lip at the Gizmocrat. “The only other thing I could come up with was Hawaiian Punch and I didn't think you'd be too keen on that one.”

“...Point taken.”

The pair made their way from backstage, past Terry and Rickey at the announcers' table, and hoisted themselves into the ring. Uproarious applause erupted from the crowd. This was a good sign!

“And following a six-week winning streak in the Moon 13 Underground,” Rickey's voice echoed, “please welcome our reigning champions, Boneheads #883 and #884, Bonedust and The Rib Spreader!”

The arena wasn't merely filled with applause, it was a cacaphonous, screaming _roar_. It was terrifying.

Even more terrifying was meeting their opponents. Both stood over six feet, as tall as both Ray and Jonah, but they were twice as broad as either of them and musclebound to boot.

Ray edged toward his brother's ear. “Jonah, that's not fair. They used your DNA again. Part of it, anyway.”

“At least they're not more of _me_ ,” Jonah gulped. “Two of us is plenty.”

 

Terry gave his spangled tuxedo lapels a firm snap and leaned into his microphone. “For those of you who may have forgotten or are tuning in for the first time, our champions are still relatively new to the Moon 13 Underground scene, but incredibly skilled! #883 and #884 work in the Moon 14 basement, wrangling those gosh darn dinosaurs that are a regular part of the Moon 14 Mesozoic Grill menu. Let's face it – If you can wrestle a genetically engineered velociraptor, you can take on anything.”

“That's right, Terry!” Rickey chuckled and quickly picked up on the commentary. “Our challengers are an interesting pair. Most of you will recognize Jonah Heston, our bearded captive, from Kinga Forrester's popular televised experiment, Mystery Science Theater 3000. Before that, he was an engineer on Earth. Not exactly prime wrestling material.”  
  
“Heavens, no.”

“His twin, Raymond, is also an engineer, and has the distinction of being Moon 13's first genuine human/Bonehead hybrid, a result of more of Kinga's experimentation. If she was going for a spare Heston, I'd say she very nearly succeeded, wouldn't you, Terry?”

Terry nodded. “Absolutely, though I'm not sure what advantages either of them have, if any, against our champs.”  
  
“They're tall.”

“Indeed, they _are_ tall.”

 

Bonedust and The Rib Spreader were both easily as wide as Jonah and Ray were _together_. Apparently, handling dinosaurs did them a world of good. It was the first time Jonah genuinely felt small. A look at Ray convinced him that the clone was feeling the same way.

The referee stepped into the ring, outfitted in traditional zebra stripes, but still wearing the usual Bonehead helmet they all sported, save for Ray in this particular instance. He gave each team a very quick glance. “I want a good, clean fight. Best combined two out of three falls wins.” He cocked an eyebrow at the twins. “Good luck.”

With that, the ref backed away, hanging to the outside of the ring. Bonedust stepped forward and offered a gloved hand, which Jonah cheerfully accepted.

...And instantly regretted when he found himself twisted around and pulled into a half-nelson. He couldn't move his arms, the Bonehead had such a tight grip on him. His feet suddenly were in the air and he was flipped onto the mat with a firm THUD, landing hard on the side of his face. His glasses flew across the ring and Ray scrambled to catch them before they could get broken.

As Jonah lay there on the mat, trying to gain his bearings, Ray slid his specs back onto his face. “We need a strategy and we need one now, Sunshine.”

 

“Oh, tough break for Heston Prime! And right at the opening of the match! Any thoughts, Rickey?”

“You've really gotta admire that plucky, Earther, 'can-do' spirit, even though he hasn't got a chance, Terry!”

 

The ref rushed into the ring and patted the mat. One, two, three. It was an official fall. Score one for the Boneheads.

“I admit this was a bad idea,” Jonah groaned as he caught his breath. “I didn't think they'd actually throw me. I didn't think anyone _could_ throw me!”

Ray gestured wildly, waving his arms. “These guys bench press dinosaurs all day!”

The Rib Spreader seized the opportunity and took advantage of Ray's panic, grabbing him under both arms. He slung him over his shoulder, kicked his feet out from under himself, and they both slammed against the mat. Ray swore he felt the springs rattle his teeth.

Again, the ref made tracks into the center of the ring and began tapping the mat. One, two –

Ray sat up, gasping for air, but he pushed at the referee's arm. This one didn't count.

 

“Nice save by Team Heston,” Rickey gleefully announced. “That Bonehead blood does tend to make one a bit tougher, overall.”

“Yes, but while Pandamonium does have that going for him, The Prime Directive is still very much...a squishy human. I don't think that engineering degree is going to help him out here.”

 

Jonah backed against his clone, both of them in the center of the ring. Ray was shivering as much as he was. “What's illegal in this kind of wrestling?”

The twin was silent, contemplating the question. “I think biting is.” The two of them braced against each other, arms raised. “No kicks to the groin.” He sighed. “Outside of that? Everything is legal on the Moon.”

Bonedust made a charge toward them, coming from Ray's side. Thinking fast, Jonah linked his arms around Ray's and hauled him onto his back, raising him into the air. “Get him, Pandabro!”

“HI-KEEBA!” Ray growled and threw his leg out in a near expertly-timed kick, socking #883 square in the chin with his boot and turning his helmet sideways. The huge Bonehead crashed to the floor and once more, the referee was in the ring for the count-out.

One, two...three.

Score one for the Hestons.

Bonedust was not one to stay down for long. He realigned his helmet and took a run at Jonah. The lanky engineer somehow caught his rather large opponent around the neck with both arms and did his best to plant his feet firmly into the floor. While he was considerably smaller than Bonedust, he still had weight on his side, as well as physics. A quick kick and he swung himself around, pulling the Bonehead into an awkward headlock. The guy's neck was huge, but luckily Jonah had long arms. He held onto him, one arm looped around his neck and the other latched onto one of the bones on his helmet. Bonedust began to slowly sink.

 

“Did he really just manage a Helmet Headlock on one of the biggest guys in the league?” Terry was gobsmacked. “This is the first time Heston Prime has even stepped into the ring and he's already made a classic Moon 13 Underground move!”

“He learns fast, Terry!”

“That he does, Rickey!”

 

As the Bonehead slid closer and closer to the mat, Jonah held firm to him until they were both in the floor and the big guy's limbs went limp. Jonah's breath hitched in his throat – Did he hurt him? Oh no. No no no no...

The referee knelt in front of them both, ear pointed toward the larger of the two, who was sprawled on the mat. He gave Jonah a grin. “He's okay. He's snoring.”  
  
The Gizmocrat couldn't hide his surprise and he leaned in to listen. Bonedust was making sounds like a weak chainsaw. It was surprising to say the least.

One, two, three.

Another score for the Hestons. How were they actually ahead?

They didn't have time to revel in any kind of victory; the match was not over yet and they still had another Bonehead to contend with. The Rib Spreader wasted no time in tackling poor Ray a second time, separating him from his brother. Again, Ray went into the air, this time with his opponent grappling onto his legs, and he plunged the clone square into the mat face first.

Ray didn't move.

Up until this point, the crowd noise had been an ebb and rise of various cheers and screams. They fell oddly silent as Jonah checked on his brother.

“Ray? Raymond?” The distress in his voice was growing more obvious by the second. “Pandaface? C'mon, buddy, you've gotta be alright.”

 

“It looks like Pandamonium might be down with an injury.” Terry's tone had changed from sideshow barker to that of genuine concern. “Unfortunately, if he stays out, this will be counted as a fall, and it's possible the match could be called in favor of the Boneheads.”

 

With weak arms, Ray struggled to push himself upright, as far as his hands and knees. A deep purple blotch stained the mat; he smelled and tasted copper. He ran the back of his hand under his nose, greeted with dark purple streaks. His eyes widened and he stared at Jonah.

“We're stopping now, Ray,” Jonah said firmly. “I had no idea it was going to end up like this. You weren't supposed to get hurt. C'mon, I'll take you to the infirmary – “  
  
“No.”

“What?”

“I said, NO.” Ray's breathing sped up and he snorted, wiping his hand on his hip as he stood. It left purple streaks on his white shorts. He pulled at his tank top, scrubbing at his face with it. When he let go, the Bonehead logo was stained with more purple blood. It was still leaking out of his nose and into his mouth.

“Ray, we need to get your nose taped up,” Jonah insisted. “I'm calling it now. We quit.”

The clone's expression went from scared to...well, Jonah couldn't quite pin it, as he'd never even seen a look like that on his own face. Ray turned toward #884, who crouched, primed for another beating. He gestured at the injured twin. “Go ahead on,” he mocked.

It was then that Ray tore across the ring, shrieking at the top of his lungs. He launched himself at The Rib Spreader, one arm thrown out wide, and he managed to clothesline him, right in the throat, bringing them both down. As they fell, #884's helmet went sideways and one of the femur apparatus hit Ray in the eye and across the face.

Again, Ray was not moving, but neither was the Rib Spreader. The referee was there once more for the count-out.

One, two, three.

He grabbed Jonah's arm and held it up. Jonah could only manage to look confused. This didn't make any sense!

 

“Terry, it looks like we've got a win for the Heston Twins by fall _and_ by disqualification, of all things!” Rickey yelled excitedly. “While both our fighters are out cold, it appears that Pandamonium not only still has his arm across The Rib Spreader's neck, but we may need a revision in the rules, seeing as how blows to the eyes are illegal...and Ribby's bucket did just that. Heston Beta's going to have a real shiner to go with that broken nose, but he and Heston Prime can take some serious pride in being the first to actually beat the Boneheads in this game. Amazing!”

“They're quite the scrappers, those two,” Terry added. “How many of us can say we ever saw that coming?”

 

Ray's eyes barely cracked open. He couldn't even see out of his left one -- It was swollen shut, surrounded by various shades of black and purple. Jonah was quickly at his side.

“I'm sorry, Ray. This was a horrible decision on my part. You were right. You were right, I was wrong – “  
  
Ray slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position, shoulders slumped. He wobbled and his twin hurriedly threw an arm around him for support. “Did we win?”

“What?!”

“I said, did we win?” He craned his neck to see his opponent, who was being tended to by his fight partner, Bonedust. The larger Bonehead held his hand out as before. Ray extended a hand toward him, but Jonah intercepted, pulling Ray's arm out of reach.

“The fight's over. Congratulations,” Bonedust said in reassurance. “Good job! You guys are tougher than we pegged you for.” He offered his hand once more and this time, Ray gave it as firm a shake as he could manage. “Stan would say the same thing, but he's...uh...You really did a number on him with that finisher.”

A muffled voice came from inside the sideways helmet. “Jack, it's dark. Are the lights out, Jack?”

Bonedust sighed, pulling the helmet from his friend's head. “No, your bucket's all sideways, you idiot.”

“Okay, cool.” His eyes lolled toward the twins, who were still huddled against each other. “I like you guys. You wanna play again next week?”

Jonah's eyes boggled and he helped Ray to his feet. “Thanks, but no thanks. I think we've had enough.”

 


	3. Resignation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all is said and done, the twins decide this is not how they would like to spend their Saturday nights.

Monday arrived as usual, and – also as usual – Jonah hauled a couple of notebooks down to the cafeteria area of Moon 14 to meet his brother for a lunchtime brainstorming session. He found Ray seated at their same table, this time with several of his Bonehead friends. Ray had doffed his helmet and was still sporting a bandage across his nose, as well as over his left eye.

Jonah very quietly sidled up to the table and waved. “Hey, Bones.”

The entire group of Boneheads turned around and gaped at him.

“I still can't believe you took those guys down,” Amanda gasped in disbelief. “You're like us, you're just.... Well, you're just _you_.”

Jonah raised a heavy eyebrow. “Uh...thanks?” As the group scooted closer together, he slid another chair to the table and had a seat. “Ray, I'm still really sorry about everything. That was a massive misjudgment on my part.”

“We kicked ass, though,” Ray interrupted gleefully. “I've already talked to Jack and Stan about joining us for movie night on Friday.”

“You what?” Jonah felt his heart in his throat. If they hadn't managed to kill him then, they'd surely kill him some other time. “Ray, that's that's – “

A loud voice boomed over the group at the table. “The best idea ever, right?” Jonah slowly turned around to find himself looking up at Bonedust. The large Bonehead clapped a hand onto Jonah's shoulder, which still ached from being thrown around so much. “Ray said we're having a Disney double feature.”

“'The Little Mermaid' plus 'Beauty and The Beast' seemed like good choices,” Ray chimed in. “It's my week to pick, so I thought we'd go for something light this time.”

Jack crouched next to Jonah, offering up a surprisingly kind smile. “You can relax, Heston. No one's going to throttle you. Besides, if I remember right, you're the one who kicked _my_ ass.”

“It really wasn't anything personal.” He practically fell over the words as they came out of his mouth. “It seemed like a real free-for-all in there.”

Ray straightened in his seat. “There's talk of genuine rule revisions. Terry said the Galactic Wrestling Federation actually saw our fight.”

“Oh dear God.” Jonah put his head in his hands and Jack gave him a gentle pat on the back.

“They're considering the Moon as a contender,” the big Bonehead said, happiness evident in his voice. “Not only that, there's talk of extending that offer to Earth. That's why they need to look the rules over and revise them for humans. You guys are kinda breakable.”

“Even better, we heard that Pluto has been allowed back into the Federation, so you two weirdos kind of moved mountains,” Amanda added. “You didn't have to wreck the outfit I made for you, though, Ray. Blood's hard to get out.” Her face pulled into a frown.

“Sure fell out of my face pretty easy,” the clone countered. He gazed across the table at his brother and scrunched his face at him. “Speaking of faces, Jonah, the whole right side of yours is just a bruise.”

“I'm aware,” he replied flatly. “My pillow's been replaced by an ice pack the past couple nights.”

Jack's eyes went from Ray to Jonah and back again. “I thought humans had red blood?”

“Purple bruises seem to be universal,” Amanda sighed.

Small talk became such that the group moved again and Jack officially joined the lunch discussion. Jonah was surprised to learn that when he and his brother Stan weren't chasing dinosaurs, Jack did intricate needlepoint and Stan was a big fan of mystery novels. He made a mental note to give Stan his copy of 'The Pelican Brief' if he ever made it back up to the Satellite of Love.

“I have to ask,” Jonah said quietly, “where did you guys get your names? I mean, I thought for sure you really did answer to Bonedust and The Rib Spreader.”

Jack's laugh was as thunderous as his speaking voice. “We answer to that as much as you do Prime Directive and Pandamonium!”

The clone held up his hand. “I _do_ answer to Panda, thanks very much.”

“When Kinga made us, I think it was Max who made a comment about us being so...big.” He held his hands out, gesture widening to prove his point. “Something about The Incredible Hulk. A couple of our new friends had some good name suggestions from you Earthers' comic books.”  
  
Jonah laughed enough that it hurt his face. “I didn't realize our little planet had such an influence on you guys. Kirby and Lee. This makes perfect sense.”

The time flew by much too fast, and before they realized it, the lunch hour was over and everyone had to report back to their stations. Jonah watched as Jack met his brother Stan at the door and the two high-fived each other before returning to dino duty.

“They're nice guys,” Ray observed. “I'd never wanna take 'em in another fight, but they're nice.”

Jonah let go a sigh. “You think there's any chance that's related to the DNA thing?”

“They've got our hair and eyes.” Ray carefully put his helmet back on. “But aside from the height, I think that might be it. Remember, Boneheads are influenced by the little family groups they're born in.”

The slightest hint of disappointment was in Ray's voice and Jonah nudged at him with his elbow.

“Technically, you had a family group, Pandabro. You had me.”

“Yeah, that's what makes us the best kinda weirdos on the Moon.” At last, Ray brightened up again. “You gonna check on the mainframe up on Moon 2?”

Jonah armed up his notebooks and headed for the elevator. “Yeah, that's an easy fix. I think I'm gonna stop by Moon 13 first, though, and have a little word with Terry about transparency and withholding information.”

 


End file.
